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BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO


A long and sleepless night filled with anger and self-pity.  It doesn’t matter that it is your own idea, or that it is the right thing to do, when you watch all the heavy euipment which has been the source of your refuge and comfort for fifty years pass out the door, now belonging to someone else.  And it doesn’t matter that physically you are no longer able to throw another pot, or lift a 50 pound block of clay at a time.   And there is where the self pity takes over.  Laughable really, when I think of all the pages I have turned, and all the people I have admonished to “get on with it” when something didn’t go their way.  It is human nature to blame someone else for our own shortcomings, but worse when you have to turn the blame back onto yourself.  I am embarrassed when I think of my mother-in-law, who lived around the corner and daily complained that life was no longer worth living because she needed hearing aids and could no longer drive her car.  Both her children lived around the corner from her, and visited each day.  I was fond of reminding her of how lucky she was.  How insensitve and foolish I was in my youth.  She lived in her own home until she was 93 and died in her own bed.  We always hope for understanding from those closest to us, but no one else walks in our shoes.

I have recently watched so many dear friends come to the realization that they can no longer manage their large homes,and choose another path.  Surely this is far more difficult that breaking up a sculpture studio.  It has been a week, and becomes easier each day as I dispose of more and more bits and pieces, finding so much I had forgotten, and some which made me think “what in the world were you thinking?”  Strange the things I am keeping: dusty tools, boxes of dried up paint tubes, etc.  Perhaps one day I will part with those as well.

 

“At the end of the day, only kindness matters.”

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7 comments on “BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

  1. Mom, I think I was the most touched by this post, it is sad that this was your passion and that you have now moved passed that stage. But you, of anyone I know, are constantly reinventing yourself! You are the kindest and wisest person I know! Love you sweet mama!

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  2. Turning a page,Kayti? The new page has still to be written. As long as a new page opens, there is life.

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  3. Dear Sweet Mama,
    You are such an amazing woman and I love you more than I can ever tell you..Art has always been one of your fondest passions and your works are treasured by all of us who are lucky enough to own one. You may not be able to lift the 50 lb sack of clay anymore but I know that you will soon begin a new chapter in creativity for that is the essence of who you are. Art is one of the many things that you do with such skill and beauty. Don’t forget about some of the others that you do,or have done, with amazing aptitude such as cake baking, bread making, gourmet cooking, window decorating, painting and display, knitting, crocheting, needlepoint, clothing design, tailoring and dress-making, Japanese gardening, putting on a new roof, wiring a house, digging a well, building a barn, adding on a new room or two, laying tile flooring, Chief Counsel Leader for Camp Fire Girls, head of PTA, traditional Japanese dancing in the Buddhist Temple Festival, playing the guitar in the Catholic church, tap dancing, fishing, expert camper, tennis player, jogger….well it just goes on and on. Jan and I are so lucky to have you for our Mama but man….you are one tough act to follow!!

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  4. I am taking notes on your reflections and determinations.
    Paul’s words, too, I imprint now.
    Thank you both for the wisdom and the beautiful words expressed.
    They are real. They are life. They are part of the mystery which we all move toward.

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  5. Dear Sweet Mama,
    You are such an amazing woman and I love you more than I can ever tell you..Art has always been one of your fondest passions and your works are treasured by all of us who are lucky enough to own one. You may not be able to lift the 50 lb sack of clay anymore but I know that you will soon begin a new chapter in creativity for that is the essence of who you are. Art is one of the many things that you do with such skill and beauty. Jan and I are so lucky to have you for our Mama but man….you are one tough act to follow!!

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  6. I’m right there with you, Kayti. This is the process and” turning the page”is
    most important. Bob said this all the time..for all of our married life. It’s amazing how much good comes from that expression and living it as well. That is what you do.
    Your gift of expression is sooooo touching..I keep going back to this post.
    love
    me

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