13 Comments

DEATH PANEL FOR AN OLD STOVE


stove To Whom It May Concern:
They’re trying to get rid of me! I can’t believe it. After only 45 yers of loyal service, they think I’m all through. All because I ruined her stupid pie because I couldn’t get my ovens hot. Well, she’s not so hot either. I see her limping around here. No one’s talking about getting rid of her. I remember when they unpacked my crate and took a look at me. She almost kissed me. Not so now.

They soon forget all the thousands of cookies, cakes, pies and bread I’ve turned out for them. Oh sure, they gush over her thinking it was due to her great cooking. Well, it wasn’t. It was me! People come in here and say “thank you, how delicious”, but not one word of congratulations to me. I’m sick of it.

Oh sure, there have been mistakes, but not on my part. I can’t help it if she wasn’t paying attention and I burned a pan or two. And I won’t even go into the way I have felt when he decides to cook! He hasn’t a clue. But I have been loyal and done a good job of heating a few cans of beans, or scrambled eggs now and then. And I have to give him credit, he does a good job of cleaning me now and then because she’s too lazy to do it.

The tons of pasta and sauce, and all the rest of the stuff I’ve cooked for her and they’re talking about replacing me with one of those big shiny eyesores which won’t look right in this kitchen anyway. What’s the matter with them, can’t they see?

I’m so ashamed. Some stranger came today and totally undressed my large oven. I’m so embarrassed; imagine how you would feel. He was quite nice about it though and began poking around up in my control panel, so maybe that’s what is wrong. They stopped making my kind nearly 20 years ago, which was sad enough. Someone else is coming to see me, so maybe they can save me. Keep good thoughts for me.

Well, I just wanted someone to know about this miscarriage of stove justice before it’s too late. Signed: Gaffers and Sattler, a dying breed.

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13 comments on “DEATH PANEL FOR AN OLD STOVE

  1. …and such a faithful servant! Tisk, Tisk!

    Like

  2. One of your best I read it my friends. I am in Cabo right now and you added to my fun time.

    Like

  3. Well-played, dear and faithful stove.

    Like

  4. May the stove god have mercy on him.

    Like

  5. Such a pity..such a loyal friend..must go.. but Gaffers is so weary and Sattler
    isn’t any help at all ..(sometimes).. Give them a tap as they leave and they will
    feel proud to have “worked” for you.
    I LUV YOU,
    me

    Like

  6. We’re praying for ya, G&S! You’re still a looker.

    Like

  7. As my hairdresser said, don’t go down without a fight!
    Hellonfrom NYC where it is 12degrees.

    Like

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