Kayti at 40Me at 40

I awake to a silent house. No sounds of coffee being made or of dog being fed. Unfolding my right arm from its cramping bent position, I realize it’s Monday and he has gone to buy the paper because the local doesn’t deliver on Mondays.

Looking up I see my face in the portrait hanging on the bedroom wall as it surely must be, since it wouldn’t be appropriate to hang it elsewhere. I see my forty year old self; solemn, staring directly at the artist, dark hair piled on my head, where today there remains but a grey remembrance.

I am wearing the lapis ring my daughter reminded me that she took from me when she left home, but she would have had it anyway. Four of the small turquoise bracelets I bought from The Shop of the Rainbow Man in Santa Fe, New Mexico are on my wrist. Do I still have that small gold pin? I don’t remember.

Chanel ShoesChanel shoes

For some reason, I remember these shoes. Possibly because I coveted them, then and bought them for my 36th birthday for the astronomical price of $36.00. I loved them so much I wore them out. Chanel has brought them back now; for the astronomical price of $800. It shows that what goes around comes back around.

The sun is just beginning to wake also, and a few tiny dots of sunlight sprinkle themselves at the bottom of the picture, filtered through the lace on the bottom of the curtains. Why do I keep those curtains? They are no longer to my taste, but they go with the antique bed I suppose. I used to be able to climb on the bed to take them down to wash, but either the bed or my legs are too wobbly now to attempt it, so they hang quietly from their rods waiting for someone else to do it.

So much changes in our lives doesn’t it? We are obliged to go with the flow or get run over. Every day holds promise, and though it isn’t the promise of the past, we adapt. The Khan Academy slogan is “You only have to know one thing; you can learn anything.”

He has returned with the newspaper, and brings me a latte while we get ready to learn everything.

Good morning sunshine.

Author: kaytisweetlandrasmussen83

I am a retired fine arts teacher, sculptor/painter, writer, and a native Californian. I love my family,dogs, horses, movies, reading and music, probably in that order. I have been married forever to a very nice man who is nice to old ladies, dogs and children.

16 thoughts on “THE ONE I WAS”

  1. What a compelling portrait. I like everything about it. The yellow dress, your hairstyle, the ring (thought it was emerald at first and my eyes popped), the roundness of your face, the pose. You were beautiful. Still are. xxx

    About the shoes. Did you ever walk out of the slingbacks? Or did Chanel have the secret to keeping them on?


  2. “Good morning, Sunshine” always was my father’s greeting to me in those childhood days. I love being reminded of it. I laughed and laughed at your reference to those lace curtains. I have cotton-lace valences in the bedroom, and I finally decided they needed to be laundered. While not out of sight, they stay out of mind pretty easily. My goodness, a lot of dust can collect in five years!

    Was there, by any chance, a cardigan that went with that jewel-neck, short sleeve top? I’ve not thought of sweater sets — or sweater clips — for some time.


    1. I try not to think of all the dust and dog hair I have inhaled all these years!
      No cardigan; I made the dress. I don’t sew any more, but in those days I made most of our clothes, even a few sport shirts for Dr. A. I was looking through a fabric store recently and they don’t seem to have the fabric they used to. Do you remember Britex in S.F.? Three floors I think and mind boggling cloth.
      It isn’t a set, but I have a sweater of my Grandmother that was overlayed with lace. I’ve never worn it, but she loved it, so I saved it.


  3. I live that picture of you. I hope I didn’t take the ring but couldn’t remember!?
    Yo are a beauty inside and out
    Love you mama


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